Openly Broken

Openly Broken
For African American Women dealing with Depression

Tuesday, October 2, 2018

Mental Note: The Company You Keep & the Place Where You Sleep

Now more than ever I realize how the company you keep plays a significant role in your mental health.  First of all, if you have a mental health issue I would encourage you to seek help from a "trusted" therapist or spiritual counselor. 

Secondly, I would take inventory of the people that's in your life.  Are they negative?  This may take some time and observation to find out.  How does this person respond to life on a daily basis? 

Everybody has moments of frustration, anger, sadness, disappointment, but this shouldn't be a every day or every week occurrence.  Being in the presence of or listening to or talking to negative people is very toxic.  And if you're "ill" you cannot be in a toxic environment and expect healing. 

We understand this in the physical world, which is why hospitals are so clean and often cold.  They've created an environment for healing and getting well.  You cannot get well physically in a toxic, and unclean environment.  In a hospital there are a lot of restricted areas.  Every body can't just step into any room or location. 

There are certain areas where there are restrictions and only people that are authorized are aloud in these areas.  Do you know why?  Because they know how to behave around a sick person.  They know the right clothes to wear to protect themselves and the sick person.  They know how to stay clean.  They understand the messiness of the sick. 

I often compare our mental state to our physical state because there are so many similarities.  When you are sick, you can't have other sick people around you because how are you going to get better.  You can't get well in an unstable environment. 

A hospital is a controlled environment.  You have to be in a controlled environment when you're trying to heal mentally.  You cannot be in a place where someone'e moods will change at the drop of the hat.  It's too much of a toxic situation for healing to take place. 

Some of us have gone through various things in our life that have caused us to become vulnerable to certain diseases--(dis-ease)-- cancers (toxins that spread) and dysfunctional behaviors.  In order to get better or to get healing you must change your environment. 

Nothing will get better in a messed up environment.  I sometimes think about trying to get clean in a swamp.  It really doesn't matter how much soap I use in the swamp, I will never get clean. 

Monday, October 1, 2018

NOTE: Remember Who You Are!

I recently re-watched the movie Black Panther and I noticed something that I hadn't before.  In one of my favorite scenes where T'Challa fights M'Baku, it looks like T'Challa might lose the fight, but he says his full name and finds strength that appears to come out of nowhere.  He defeats his foe.

Why did he say his name?  I believe it was to remind him of who he is.  So what's in a name?  I've had moments like this before where I've said "hey, I'm Candace, I don't have to deal with this or live like this anymore. 

What do you think about when you say your name?  What comes to your mind?  When you're in a battle you don't have the time to try to figure it out.  It is during the time of peace and quiet that you have the time to decide who you will be. 

Sometimes I've thought about my name and I didn't like it.  And that's because I didn't like me.  I didn't like who I had become.  But I had to remember who God told me and showed me who I was.  This gave me the faith to know that is was possible to change.  And once I knew that I could change I sought out the wisdom and knowledge so that I could know the steps to change.

So, now when I face battles that seem like I should lose, I remind myself of who I am, where I've been and what I've learned, and somehow, someway I find the strength to keep fighting until I win!

Remember who you are!!!

Thursday, September 20, 2018

"These Are My Confessions" (transparent moment)

Walking has become a big part of my daily routine. It gets me out in the fresh air, it helps me stay healthy and it gives me the opportunity to gather my thoughts. Some of my best ideas have come from having alone time and being able to clear my mind. Well, I decided to turn the camera on and just start talking and really expressing my true and honest thoughts. Be prepared...there are more to come!!

Thursday, September 13, 2018

Nicki vs. Cardi | Why are y’all shocked???

Of course a lot of the talk and conversations regarding Cardi B and Nicki Minaj New York Fashion Week fight has died down but I found myself still thinking about some underlying similarities between these two women and myself. 

This past week every time I scrolled through my various social media platforms I found several posts regarding these two women.  The comments were deep and the conversations was heavy.  Some women were going in screaming I hate seeing Black women portrayed in this light.  While others were immersed in the drama screaming #teambardigang or #teambarbs, going hard for their favorite female rapper.

It seems as if Cardi B's gang can clearly see the sneaky barbs orchestrating cold and calculated moves to mess up her name and bag.  But the barbs feel as if Cardi hasn't paid her dues enough to even be in the same league as Nicki. 

I honestly could care less which side you fall on.  I don't necessarily have a side.  I enjoy some of both of their music however they don't represent my aesthetic. I share moments with their music that remind me of my past self  and the woman I look to hide from the world.

After reading and viewing some of the other first responders (blogs, news outlets, vlogs) and  scrolling through social media I feel like a lot of us has forgotten one very important thing.  And that is-- that these two women are human beings just like you and me.  Sometimes we are so busy judging others that we forget how we are exactly the same way. 

I will be honest and maybe even the first to admit this but sometimes it's hard to see your friend winning especially when you're not.  And, in most cases its not that you don't want to see them win.  No, it's not that.  It's just that seeing them win really shows you how much you're losing.  And that's okay too.  How you handle these particular set of feelings says a lot about who you are as a woman.

If you are a woman who responds to other women's success with jealousy, spitefulness, being vindictive and petty and picking her apart and pointing out every flaw--You have the problem, not her!

If you are a woman who responds to other women's success by not being able to acknowledge her success without pettiness and some way of making her look insignificant than--You are the problem not her.  Recognizing another woman's success does not take away from your own and I honestly feel like we forget that.  We shine the brightest when we shine together!

I really dislike it when people say things to me like, "Oh, yea I seen your lil blog!"  "Oh, I heard about your lil magazine" and "I see where you say you starting a little company"  Excuse You! I have decided that the next person that does this I will politely say thank you, but there's actually nothing (little) about anything that I do!  It's VERY big to me!

I think it's hard sometimes to be really good at something or very successful for a long time and then all of a sudden there's a new person.  A person whose younger, prettier, doing it just a little bit bigger, or getting a little bit more attention than you to come on the scene.  It's hard.  But it doesn't have to become something that is TOXIC.

When we harbor those feelings of jealousy, and resentment and we make moves that will ensure our success by taking down our rivals or competition we only hurt ourselves.  You will reap what you sew.  Whatever seeds of evil you plant for others will find its way sprouting up in your front or backyard.  And I say backyard because sometimes God don't allow everyone to see the Hell you secretly going through all because you've plotted against or talked against and down on someone. 

What if we all decided to just stay in our lanes and do the best with what we have and give it our best shot encouraging each other along the way.  I'm not saying we all have to work together side by side singing Kumbaya, my Lord.  No, but we can at least decide to respect one another.  Make a pact with ourselves and say I'm not going to speak ill of my sister, my friend, my co-worker, my church member or whoever we're working beside. 

These two women can decide that they don't ever wanna be on a track together.  There's nothing wrong with that.  It would be nice though but it would really have to be genuine because sometimes our best singers come together and they sound good and the video looks good but you can't really figure out why it's not as great as others and it really does have a lot to do with chemistry and how they vibe together.  If they are not getting along a lot of times you can easily tell, especially when you compare it to others where you can see the love.